the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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