Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Less talking, more tequila
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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