If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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