I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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