The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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