literally had 100 drinks last night.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My bed smells like the plague
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
