Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
