1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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