my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
