If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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