I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize