the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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