I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
