If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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