would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize