I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
