ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
