so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
