she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
