Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
