Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just gargled with NyQuil
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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