Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
