remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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