Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
