I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
