yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
