i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sorry about my life...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
