So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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