She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
