Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
