That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
