I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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