hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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