I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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