I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
