she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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