Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
