At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
