Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
