Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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