ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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