It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
