whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
