I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
