and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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