If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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