i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize