I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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