He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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