i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
