Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
