You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
