So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
