So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
