haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
