She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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