Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize