I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
