Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
