Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
