2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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