hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
