Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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