can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
