Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
