my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
