i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize