I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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