You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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