At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
