I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
