god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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