first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
