I wish I could punch you in the face.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
