I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
